Dealing With Irrational Elderly Parents – Tips That Work

Donna Nichols • July 25, 2022

Do you have stubborn parents? Will they not listen to you because they are the parent? How do you get them to listen? How can you possibly get through to them?

Here are some tips to help you deal with your irrational parents .

Communication is essential!

You must be able to communicate with your parents in order to deal with them effectively. You will need communication to discuss with them the important aspects such as their health, finances, living arrangements and legal documents.

Speak to them like they are adults.

Do NOT undermine them by speaking to them like they are children; this will only make them angry! Remember they are the parents and you are the child, speak and treat them as such. Empower them and involve them in each and every decision.

Be patient and persistent.

You will probably not be able to accomplish everything in one sitting. You may need to bring things up several different times, so please be patient, especially if your loved one has Alzheimer’s or a related dementia. Too much information at one time can make them feel as if they are losing control over the situation, so be patient, but persistent at the same time. Put yourself in their shoes and it may help with your patience.

Don't be judgemental

Don’t be judgmental and criticize them; this will only put them on the defensive. Be sensitive, talk to them in a way as you are concerned for their well-being. Don’t just come out and tell them they can’t care for themselves any longer. This won’t work: You can’t even fix your own meals! This may work better: "I’m just so concerned that you’re not eating well, you look like you are losing weight." Think before you speak.

Spend time with them

Spend as much time with them as you possibly can. They will appreciate the extra time with you especially if they feel like you are not just squeezing them into your busy day.

Ask questions

Ask them plenty of questions. Make sure they feel involved in each and every aspect of the decisions being made concerning their future. Ask open-ended questions , not questions they can answer with a simple yes or no. Of course, don’t press an issue if they start to get frustrated. Take a break and address the issue later or another day.

Stay Calm

No matter what, stay calm. They know things are changing and are more than likely scared, speak to them calmly and with love and it will help ease their minds that the changes that are coming will be okay.

Take care of yourself

Find help for YOU! Staying calm and patient will not be easy to maintain; find some outside support for yourself. You may find an online group, have the time to see a counselor, or perhaps discover Yoga, but find something that works for you and your time schedule.

Timing is everything! You will not resolve anything if everyone is feeling stressed or experiencing anxiety! Make sure you and your parents are having a nice, relaxing day. Remember, if you are stressed, they will pick up on it and feel anxious too.

Listen to what they're NOT saying

Listen not only to what they are saying, but to what they are NOT saying. Do they not want to talk about assisted living because of the stigma associated with it? Are they really afraid to go to the doctor because of what he might tell them? Try to delve into what they aren’t saying to find out why they are saying what they are saying.

If you’re still having a difficult time, try to talk to their doctor. See if he can tell you what is going on with them; maybe they don’t want to tell you what is happening. This may be difficult due to the HIPPA laws, but hopefully your parents listed you as a person your doctor can discuss their conditions with.

Enlist the support of friends or other family members.

Other siblings or family members may get them to open or listen if they’re not the ones involved with them on a daily basis. Your parents may not be so inclined to listen to you or other members of the family, but perhaps they will listen to an outsider, such as a close friend or neighbor. They tend to tell outsiders more than they will tell family. Think about it, don’t we all tell our friends/neighbors more than we tell our loved ones?

Focus on the benefits and outline the consequences

Should it come to assisted living being the answer, point out the benefits of assisted living. “Mom, you won’t have to cook and clean anymore, someone will do your laundry and housekeeping. Dad, no more lawn maintenance, or roof repairs. How great would that be?” If they are still determined to stay in their home, point out the consequences, “mom, what if dad isn't around and you fall, who is going to help you? Dad, what if you get into a car accident? I’m worried about you both and want to make sure you are being cared for 24/7.”

Don’t count on them changing

Your parents are your parents, they are grown adults and there may be nothing you can do to change their minds. Accept their decisions and move on with life the best you can for yourself and for them.

Give yourself grace

Lastly, don’t beat yourself up! You know you have tried everything you can possibly try to get help for your aging parents. There is nothing you can do if they refuse the help. Accept the situation for what it is and know what you can and cannot change.

What to do When Elderly Parents Refuse Help

The number one reason your parents are refusing help is usually fear; fear of the unknown. What is next? Am I losing it? Am I on my way out? If I accept help it means I can’t do anything anymore. These are all legitimate questions in their heads and you need to realize this so you can deal with the situation easier.

Make sure you involve them in the decisions being made about them and their care. This gives them some control over the situation and eases some of the burden off you while allowing them to accept this next chapter in their lives.

Most of the same tips above apply to help when they refuse help. However, if you find it becoming more difficult, or you don’t want to start this in the first place, please reach out to a senior advocate.

We are senior advocates at Assisted Living Made Simple and can walk you and your loved ones through the stages of aging. It’s what we do and we are honored to assist you and your family. Call today for your free consultation.

Hurricane Season in Florida

By Donna Nichols • June 4, 2025
Florida's paradise of sun-kissed beaches, vibrant culture, and tropical beauty—is also home to one of the most intense annual weather phenomena: hurricane season. From June 1 to November 30, Floridians remain on high alert as powerful storms brew in the Atlantic, each potentially bringing torrential rain, fierce winds, and coastal surges. Understanding hurricane season is crucial for residents and visitors, as it ensures safety and preparedness in the face of nature’s fury. The Impact on Florida Florida has experienced some of the most destructive hurricanes in history, including Andrew (1992), Irma (2017), Ian (2022), Debby, Helene, and Milton (2024). These storms left behind immense devastation, flooding homes, severing power lines, and reshaping entire communities. The economic toll of hurricanes is staggering, affecting local businesses, tourism, and infrastructure. Coastal regions, particularly the Florida Keys and areas along the Gulf Coast, often face the most significant risk. However, inland areas are not immune—wind damage and flooding can wreak havoc miles from the shoreline. Preparing for Hurricane Season Being prepared is the best defense against hurricanes. Here’s how Floridians can safeguard themselves: Stay Informed : Monitor local weather reports and emergency alerts. The National Hurricane Center provides real-time tracking and updates. Create an Emergency Kit : Stock up on essentials, including water, non-perishable food, medications, flashlights, and extra batteries. Don’t forget important documents and pet supplies! Have a Plan : Know evacuation routes and shelter locations. Discuss emergency plans with family members and establish a safe meeting point. Secure Your Home : Reinforce windows, clear debris from your yard, and consider investing in storm shutters if possible. Hurricane season is a reality in Florida, but with preparation and awareness, residents can confidently weather the storm. Whether you’re a lifelong Floridian or a visitor experiencing the Sunshine State, staying informed and ready is key.  Stay safe, stay prepared, and remember—storms may come, but resilience keeps Florida strong.

Weathering the Storm: A Senior’s Guide to Hurricane Season in Florida

By Donna Nichols • June 3, 2025
Hurricane season in Florida, running from June to November, is a time for preparation, not panic. While these storms bring powerful winds, heavy rain, and potential flooding, a well-thought-out plan can make all the difference—especially for seniors. Taking proactive steps ensures safety, comfort, and peace of mind when the storm arrives. Let’s explore how you can best prepare, stay safe, and recover after the storm. For seniors, hurricanes present unique challenges. Mobility concerns may make evacuation difficult, medical needs require careful planning, and power outages can disrupt essential healthcare devices. Knowing the potential risks helps guide preparation efforts. Flooding: Heavy rain and storm surges can cause rapid water level rises, making roads impassable and homes vulnerable. Strong Winds: Hurricanes can bring winds exceeding 100 mph, toppling trees, damaging homes, and cutting off power. Extended Recovery Time: After a storm, essential services may be limited, making access to food, medications, and transportation difficult. Essential Preparations Emergency Kit: Assemble an emergency kit with the following essentials: medications, medical records, flashlights, extra batteries, non-perishable food, and water (enough for one gallon per person per day) – sufficient for three to five days. Evacuation Plan: Find nearby senior-friendly hurricane shelters that provide accessibility and medical support. Arrange Transportation: If you don’t drive, organize transportation with family, friends, or local emergency services. Communication Strategy: Stay connected with family, neighbors, and emergency contacts. Sign up for emergency alerts through local weather services.  Staying Safe During the Storm When the storm arrives, stay indoors and follow safety guidelines. Shelter Wisely: If you are staying home, choose an interior room away from windows. Monitor Updates: Use a battery-powered radio or phone to stay informed on conditions. Stay Calm: Practice relaxation techniques to manage stress and anxiety. What to do After the Storm Once the storm passes, careful steps ensure safety. • Assess Damage before venturing outside—watch for fallen power lines or debris. • Seek Assistance for cleanup, repairs, or financial aid through FEMA or community organizations. • Emotional Resilience: Recovering from a hurricane takes time. Connect with neighbors, friends, and local support groups to help ease the process. Conclusion Preparation is the best way to weather the storm—both physically and emotionally. By taking proactive steps, seniors can remain safe, informed, and in control during hurricane season. If you or a loved one needs additional support, contact your local emergency management office or organizations like the Red Cross. Stay safe, stay prepared, and remember that every storm eventually passes.

What do Seniors Want?

By Donna Nichols • May 7, 2025
Aging isn’t about slowing down—it’s about living more deliberately. As people age, their priorities shift from chasing time to cherishing it. So, what do seniors truly want? The answer is as diverse as the individuals themselves, but some clear themes emerge when we listen closely. 1. Connection and Community One of the most important things seniors crave is connection. Meaningful relationships bring joy and purpose, whether with family, old friends, or new acquaintances. Many seek social opportunities through clubs, senior centers, classes, or online communities. Loneliness can be a silent struggle, so companionship is a deeply valued part of life. 2. Respect and Independence Seniors want to be seen for who they are: individuals with a lifetime of experience, knowledge, and stories. Being treated with dignity and not being "talked down to" matters. So does having the freedom to make choices about their own lives. Maintaining a sense of autonomy is key when deciding how to spend their day, what to eat, or where to live. 3. Health and Wellness Staying healthy is more than just avoiding illness—it’s about having the energy to enjoy life. Seniors are increasingly proactive about fitness, mental health, and nutrition. Access to quality healthcare, fitness programs tailored to their needs, and mental stimulation are all top priorities. 4. Purpose and Meaning Retirement doesn’t mean retiring from life. Many seniors want to stay active through volunteering, mentoring, or even starting new ventures. Purpose drives fulfillment, whether taking care of grandchildren, learning a new skill, or contributing to a cause they care about. 5. Security and Peace of Mind Financial stability, safe housing, and access to reliable services give seniors peace of mind. Many are concerned about outliving their savings, dealing with unexpected health issues, or navigating complex systems. Clear information, supportive resources, and a sense of safety help ease these worries. 6. Fun and Adventure Yes—seniors still want fun! Travel, hobbies, music, food, and laughter never go out of style. Joy is ageless, whether it's a road trip, gardening, or dancing to old tunes. Seniors want to experience life, not just watch it pass by. Start by Listening Ultimately, the best way to understand what seniors want is simple: ask them. Every person, no matter their age, has unique preferences, needs, and dreams. When we listen with empathy and engage with respect, we create a world where aging is celebrated, not feared. Let’s build that world together. Call us to help each other enrich the lives of our seniors. 386-847-2322.
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