Dealing With Irrational Elderly Parents – Tips That Work

Donna Nichols • July 25, 2022

Do you have stubborn parents? Will they not listen to you because they are the parent? How do you get them to listen? How can you possibly get through to them?

Here are some tips to help you deal with your irrational parents .

Communication is essential!

You must be able to communicate with your parents in order to deal with them effectively. You will need communication to discuss with them the important aspects such as their health, finances, living arrangements and legal documents.

Speak to them like they are adults.

Do NOT undermine them by speaking to them like they are children; this will only make them angry! Remember they are the parents and you are the child, speak and treat them as such. Empower them and involve them in each and every decision.

Be patient and persistent.

You will probably not be able to accomplish everything in one sitting. You may need to bring things up several different times, so please be patient, especially if your loved one has Alzheimer’s or a related dementia. Too much information at one time can make them feel as if they are losing control over the situation, so be patient, but persistent at the same time. Put yourself in their shoes and it may help with your patience.

Don't be judgemental

Don’t be judgmental and criticize them; this will only put them on the defensive. Be sensitive, talk to them in a way as you are concerned for their well-being. Don’t just come out and tell them they can’t care for themselves any longer. This won’t work: You can’t even fix your own meals! This may work better: "I’m just so concerned that you’re not eating well, you look like you are losing weight." Think before you speak.

Spend time with them

Spend as much time with them as you possibly can. They will appreciate the extra time with you especially if they feel like you are not just squeezing them into your busy day.

Ask questions

Ask them plenty of questions. Make sure they feel involved in each and every aspect of the decisions being made concerning their future. Ask open-ended questions , not questions they can answer with a simple yes or no. Of course, don’t press an issue if they start to get frustrated. Take a break and address the issue later or another day.

Stay Calm

No matter what, stay calm. They know things are changing and are more than likely scared, speak to them calmly and with love and it will help ease their minds that the changes that are coming will be okay.

Take care of yourself

Find help for YOU! Staying calm and patient will not be easy to maintain; find some outside support for yourself. You may find an online group, have the time to see a counselor, or perhaps discover Yoga, but find something that works for you and your time schedule.

Timing is everything! You will not resolve anything if everyone is feeling stressed or experiencing anxiety! Make sure you and your parents are having a nice, relaxing day. Remember, if you are stressed, they will pick up on it and feel anxious too.

Listen to what they're NOT saying

Listen not only to what they are saying, but to what they are NOT saying. Do they not want to talk about assisted living because of the stigma associated with it? Are they really afraid to go to the doctor because of what he might tell them? Try to delve into what they aren’t saying to find out why they are saying what they are saying.

If you’re still having a difficult time, try to talk to their doctor. See if he can tell you what is going on with them; maybe they don’t want to tell you what is happening. This may be difficult due to the HIPPA laws, but hopefully your parents listed you as a person your doctor can discuss their conditions with.

Enlist the support of friends or other family members.

Other siblings or family members may get them to open or listen if they’re not the ones involved with them on a daily basis. Your parents may not be so inclined to listen to you or other members of the family, but perhaps they will listen to an outsider, such as a close friend or neighbor. They tend to tell outsiders more than they will tell family. Think about it, don’t we all tell our friends/neighbors more than we tell our loved ones?

Focus on the benefits and outline the consequences

Should it come to assisted living being the answer, point out the benefits of assisted living. “Mom, you won’t have to cook and clean anymore, someone will do your laundry and housekeeping. Dad, no more lawn maintenance, or roof repairs. How great would that be?” If they are still determined to stay in their home, point out the consequences, “mom, what if dad isn't around and you fall, who is going to help you? Dad, what if you get into a car accident? I’m worried about you both and want to make sure you are being cared for 24/7.”

Don’t count on them changing

Your parents are your parents, they are grown adults and there may be nothing you can do to change their minds. Accept their decisions and move on with life the best you can for yourself and for them.

Give yourself grace

Lastly, don’t beat yourself up! You know you have tried everything you can possibly try to get help for your aging parents. There is nothing you can do if they refuse the help. Accept the situation for what it is and know what you can and cannot change.

What to do When Elderly Parents Refuse Help

The number one reason your parents are refusing help is usually fear; fear of the unknown. What is next? Am I losing it? Am I on my way out? If I accept help it means I can’t do anything anymore. These are all legitimate questions in their heads and you need to realize this so you can deal with the situation easier.

Make sure you involve them in the decisions being made about them and their care. This gives them some control over the situation and eases some of the burden off you while allowing them to accept this next chapter in their lives.

Most of the same tips above apply to help when they refuse help. However, if you find it becoming more difficult, or you don’t want to start this in the first place, please reach out to a senior advocate.

We are senior advocates at Assisted Living Made Simple and can walk you and your loved ones through the stages of aging. It’s what we do and we are honored to assist you and your family. Call today for your free consultation.

The Heart of Guidance: The Role of a Senior Advisor in Elder Care

By Donna Nichols • September 5, 2025
In a world that often moves too fast, senior advisors offer something rare and essential: time, understanding, and a steady hand. Unlike their counterparts in the business world, senior advisors in elder care aren’t focused on profit margins—they’re focused on people. Who They Are Senior advisors in this space are often seasoned professionals, caregivers, or community advocates who help older adults and their families navigate complex decisions. They may work in senior living communities, nonprofit organizations, healthcare systems, or independently. What They Do • Guide families through transitions: Whether it's choosing assisted living or downsizing a home, senior advisors help make sense of it all. • Advocate for dignity and autonomy: They ensure that older adults’ voices are heard and respected in every decision. • Connect to resources: From transportation and wellness programs to Alzheimer’s and grief support, they know where to turn. • Offer emotional support: Sometimes, the most valuable thing they offer is a listening ear and a calming presence. Why It Matters A senior advisor isn’t just a resource—they’re a lifeline. They help families breathe easier, empower older adults to make informed choices, and bring compassion into moments that can feel overwhelming. If you’re reading this and thinking, “That sounds like me,” you’re not alone. Many of us play this role informally, answering questions, calming nerves, and connecting dots. Whether you’re a professional advisor or a trusted neighbor, your presence makes a difference.  If you or someone you love is facing a big decision and could use a calm, caring guide—we’re here. No pressure, no jargon, just real people ready to help. Call us today on 386-847-2322 to start the conversation. Sometimes, the first step is simply knowing you’re not alone.

Grandparents Day: A Celebration of Heart, Humor & Heritage

By Donna Nichols • September 4, 2025
September brings a quiet kind of magic—the golden light, the hint of fall in the air, and a moment to honor the everyday heroes who’ve shaped our lives with love, laughter, and legendary stories: our grandparents. Whether you’re a grandparent yourself, a grateful grandchild, or someone who’s been “adopted” by a wise elder in your life, Grandparents Day is a chance to pause and celebrate the beautiful bridge between generations. What Makes Grandparents So Grand? • They’re walking history books—with tales of jukeboxes, moon landings, and the original recipe for Sunday gravy. • They’re master cheerleaders, showing up with hugs, cookies, and the kind of encouragement that sticks for life. • They’re wisdom whisperers, offering advice that somehow makes more sense with each passing year. And let’s be honest: they also have the uncanny ability to make you feel like the most important person in the room. A Legacy of Love Grandparents teach us that love doesn’t have to be loud to be lasting. It’s in the quiet gestures: the handwritten birthday card, the saved newspaper clipping, the way they remember your favorite snack or ask about that thing you mentioned weeks ago. They remind us that resilience is built over time—through hard work, humor, and a whole lot of heart. Their stories carry lessons we didn’t know we needed until we suddenly find ourselves living them. And for those who’ve lost a grandparent, this day can be bittersweet. But it’s also a chance to honor their memory—by sharing their stories, cooking their favorite dish, or simply whispering a thank-you into the September breeze. Celebrate with Us: A Little Fun for the Big Day This Grandparents Day, we invite you to: • Share a memory: What’s one moment with a grandparent that still makes you smile? • Send a shoutout: Post a photo or quote from your favorite grandparent on social media and tag us.

Honoring Our Elders: National Senior Citizens Day

By Donna Nichols • August 14, 2025
On August 21, we pause to celebrate the heartbeat of our communities—our senior citizens. This day isn’t just about marking a date on the calendar. It’s about recognizing the wisdom, resilience, and warmth that older adults bring to every conversation, every gathering, and every generation. Wisdom That Lights the Way From stories of first jobs and family traditions to lessons learned through love and loss, seniors carry a lifetime of insight. Their experiences are more than memories—they’re guideposts for those still finding their way. Today, we honor those stories and the voices behind them. Connection That Matters Whether it’s a neighborly wave, a shared recipe, or a quiet moment on the porch, seniors remind us that connection doesn’t need fanfare—it just needs heart. National Senior Citizens Day is a chance to say, “We see you. We value you. We’re better because of you.” Ways to Celebrate Host a storytelling circle or memory-sharing event Share a favorite photo and the story behind it Create a “Senior Spotlight” wall with quotes and wisdom Invite younger generations to learn a skill from a senior (gardening, baking, crafting) Spend time—listen, laugh, and learn A Day of Gratitude Let’s make August 21 a day of genuine appreciation. Whether you’re a senior yourself or someone lucky enough to know and love one, take a moment to reflect on the richness they bring to our lives. Their legacy is living, breathing, and beautifully unfolding every day.  This is a day to be celebrated every day! Senior citizens bring so much fulfillment to our lives, and we need to embrace the moments we spend with them, for they are precious.