Dealing With Irrational Elderly Parents – Tips That Work

Donna Nichols • July 25, 2022

Do you have stubborn parents? Will they not listen to you because they are the parent? How do you get them to listen? How can you possibly get through to them?

Here are some tips to help you deal with your irrational parents .

Communication is essential!

You must be able to communicate with your parents in order to deal with them effectively. You will need communication to discuss with them the important aspects such as their health, finances, living arrangements and legal documents.

Speak to them like they are adults.

Do NOT undermine them by speaking to them like they are children; this will only make them angry! Remember they are the parents and you are the child, speak and treat them as such. Empower them and involve them in each and every decision.

Be patient and persistent.

You will probably not be able to accomplish everything in one sitting. You may need to bring things up several different times, so please be patient, especially if your loved one has Alzheimer’s or a related dementia. Too much information at one time can make them feel as if they are losing control over the situation, so be patient, but persistent at the same time. Put yourself in their shoes and it may help with your patience.

Don't be judgemental

Don’t be judgmental and criticize them; this will only put them on the defensive. Be sensitive, talk to them in a way as you are concerned for their well-being. Don’t just come out and tell them they can’t care for themselves any longer. This won’t work: You can’t even fix your own meals! This may work better: "I’m just so concerned that you’re not eating well, you look like you are losing weight." Think before you speak.

Spend time with them

Spend as much time with them as you possibly can. They will appreciate the extra time with you especially if they feel like you are not just squeezing them into your busy day.

Ask questions

Ask them plenty of questions. Make sure they feel involved in each and every aspect of the decisions being made concerning their future. Ask open-ended questions , not questions they can answer with a simple yes or no. Of course, don’t press an issue if they start to get frustrated. Take a break and address the issue later or another day.

Stay Calm

No matter what, stay calm. They know things are changing and are more than likely scared, speak to them calmly and with love and it will help ease their minds that the changes that are coming will be okay.

Take care of yourself

Find help for YOU! Staying calm and patient will not be easy to maintain; find some outside support for yourself. You may find an online group, have the time to see a counselor, or perhaps discover Yoga, but find something that works for you and your time schedule.

Timing is everything! You will not resolve anything if everyone is feeling stressed or experiencing anxiety! Make sure you and your parents are having a nice, relaxing day. Remember, if you are stressed, they will pick up on it and feel anxious too.

Listen to what they're NOT saying

Listen not only to what they are saying, but to what they are NOT saying. Do they not want to talk about assisted living because of the stigma associated with it? Are they really afraid to go to the doctor because of what he might tell them? Try to delve into what they aren’t saying to find out why they are saying what they are saying.

If you’re still having a difficult time, try to talk to their doctor. See if he can tell you what is going on with them; maybe they don’t want to tell you what is happening. This may be difficult due to the HIPPA laws, but hopefully your parents listed you as a person your doctor can discuss their conditions with.

Enlist the support of friends or other family members.

Other siblings or family members may get them to open or listen if they’re not the ones involved with them on a daily basis. Your parents may not be so inclined to listen to you or other members of the family, but perhaps they will listen to an outsider, such as a close friend or neighbor. They tend to tell outsiders more than they will tell family. Think about it, don’t we all tell our friends/neighbors more than we tell our loved ones?

Focus on the benefits and outline the consequences

Should it come to assisted living being the answer, point out the benefits of assisted living. “Mom, you won’t have to cook and clean anymore, someone will do your laundry and housekeeping. Dad, no more lawn maintenance, or roof repairs. How great would that be?” If they are still determined to stay in their home, point out the consequences, “mom, what if dad isn't around and you fall, who is going to help you? Dad, what if you get into a car accident? I’m worried about you both and want to make sure you are being cared for 24/7.”

Don’t count on them changing

Your parents are your parents, they are grown adults and there may be nothing you can do to change their minds. Accept their decisions and move on with life the best you can for yourself and for them.

Give yourself grace

Lastly, don’t beat yourself up! You know you have tried everything you can possibly try to get help for your aging parents. There is nothing you can do if they refuse the help. Accept the situation for what it is and know what you can and cannot change.

What to do When Elderly Parents Refuse Help

The number one reason your parents are refusing help is usually fear; fear of the unknown. What is next? Am I losing it? Am I on my way out? If I accept help it means I can’t do anything anymore. These are all legitimate questions in their heads and you need to realize this so you can deal with the situation easier.

Make sure you involve them in the decisions being made about them and their care. This gives them some control over the situation and eases some of the burden off you while allowing them to accept this next chapter in their lives.

Most of the same tips above apply to help when they refuse help. However, if you find it becoming more difficult, or you don’t want to start this in the first place, please reach out to a senior advocate.

We are senior advocates at Assisted Living Made Simple and can walk you and your loved ones through the stages of aging. It’s what we do and we are honored to assist you and your family. Call today for your free consultation.

What can a Senior Advisor do for you?

By Donna Nichols • July 17, 2025
A senior advisor is a personal guide or advocate for older adults and their families. Here’s what they can do for you: Help Navigate Options They can explain the differences between independent living, assisted living, memory care, nursing homes, and in-home care, and recommend the best option for a person's health, lifestyle, and budget. Find the Right Community or Services They often have knowledge of (and connections with) local senior living communities or services. They’ll: Match your needs to suitable options Setting up tours Even help ask the right questions Assist with Financial Planning Some advisors can help figure out how to pay for care: Understanding long-term care insurance Veterans’ benefits Medicaid/Medicare guidance Budget planning Guide Legal and Paperwork Stuff They can refer you to elder law attorneys, help with advance directives, or even help you understand contracts from senior living facilities. Support for Families They can act as a neutral third party when families struggle with decisions, easing tension and helping everyone feel informed and involved. Assist with Movers and Downsizers Some advisors have connections with movers, downsizers, and other people who can make your transition smooth.  If you believe a senior advisor can assist you, please call us today to schedule your complimentary consultation at 386-847-2322 . Our services are 100% FREE to you! What have you got to lose?

Beating the Florida Summer Heat

By Donna Nichols • July 7, 2025
Florida summers come in three flavors: hot, hotter, and what fresh hell is this? Whether you're a lifelong local or newly initiated into the Sunshine Sweat Fest, you know it’s more survival sport than season. So, how do we stay cool without losing our cool? Here’s your sun-savvy guide to getting through it. Make hydration a hobby Not just water, electrolytes are your best friends when you're sweaty. Coconut water, cucumber-mint spritzers, watermelon slices. If your drink doesn’t sparkle, chill, or drip condensation like a rom-com montage, it’s not summer-ready. Dress for success and summertime Loose, light, breathable fabrics. Cotton, linen, or the holy grail: moisture-wicking. Bonus points for sun hats and SPF clothing that make you look like a beach detective on vacation. Fans ARE your best friends Table fans, ceiling fans, handheld fans—the whole rotation. Keep them oscillating like your thoughts during a political debate. And if you’ve got a cooling towel? You’re royalty. Avoid the “Roasting Hours” From 11 AM to 4 PM, Florida turns into a convection oven. Errands, walks, and yard work? Schedule them early or late. Unless you’re trying to get baked like a Publix cookie—then by all means. Sunscreen is a lifestyle Apply, reapply, then pretend  you're an influencer and do it again. Because nothing says “I’m melting” like a shoulder burn shaped like your purse strap. Eat lightly Cold meals can be your best friend—salads, chilled pasta, and fruit-forward lunches are all options. Bonus points if you serve them on plates fresh from the fridge like the true champion you are. Rest, reset, repeat If the heat’s making you crankier than a mosquito at a citronella convention, take breaks: shade, air conditioning, quiet corners. Recharge without guilt—you’re surviving a sauna with its own zip code. Florida heat might be relentless, but so are we. With humor, hydration, and a healthy dose of stubborn grace, we ride the wave and keep the ice cubes coming. Stay cool out there, friends. You’ve got this.

Honoring Independence Day with Grace

By Donna Nichols • July 2, 2025
Not every 4th of July needs to burst with fireworks. For many older adults, especially those with tender hearing, health challenges, or a fondness for quieter joys, Independence Day can be just as meaningful in a slower rhythm. It’s the scent of something delicious simmering nearby, the comfort of a cool seat and a cherished show, and the simple dignity of being remembered; of having made it this far, with stories to tell and wisdom that still glows brighter than any sparkler. Caregiver Tips for a Thoughtful 4th: Keep things soft and soothing. Loud sounds can be jarring for seniors with sensory sensitivities, dementia, or PTSD. Choose instrumental patriotic music or old-time radio shows that bring joy without overwhelming them. Build a gentle plate. Soft, easy-to-eat favorites like tender pulled chicken, mashed potatoes, or a festive red, white, and blue parfait (layered Greek yogurt, mashed berries, and crushed graham crackers) keep things celebratory without strain. Spark memories, not stress. Bring out family photo albums, classic Americana films, or even music from their youth. Columbo, The Andy Griffith Show, or golden-age musicals can be a comforting trip down memory lane. Create rest-friendly spaces. A cozy chair near the window, a shaded seat outside, or even a reclined viewing spot for a live TV broadcast of fireworks can help them feel included without fatigue. Let them lead the conversation. Ask about what Independence Day meant to them growing up. You might discover tales of ration books, war bonds, or dancing at VFW halls. These stories are treasures wrapped in the quiet of the day.  In the end, Independence Day is about honoring resilience—the kind that’s quieter, often overlooked, but profoundly enduring. Whether you’re caring for someone, being cared for, or simply holding space for reflection, there’s beauty in choosing peace over spectacle. This Fourth of July, let’s celebrate not just the freedom of a nation but also the freedom to adapt, to rest, and to cherish those we love in the way that suits them best.