Do you care for an elder? Maybe it’s a family member like my situation. I’m caring for my 95-year-old mother who will be 96 in April. Do you ever find yourself losing it? I do. I find myself yelling at her, but then I wonder if I’m really yelling AT her or just yelling because she can’t hear well. Caregiving is HARD!!!!
If you find yourself losing it with your loved one, you’re not alone. I find myself losing it a lot more often than I used to. Here at Assisted Living Made Simple, we hold 4 Alzheimer’s/dementia caregiver support groups a month and while my mom doesn’t have Alzheimer’s, she does have bouts with dementia. I know the importance of taking time for yourself, but do I take time for myself? No, I don’t. I work 40 hours a week, go home, get her showered, dressed, fed, and sit with her until she’s ready to go to bed. In the morning, I get her out of bed, fed, dressed and ready for the day, then off to work and it starts all over again. On the weekends, she’s mine all day and night. It’s exhausting.
When my husband and I made the decision to move her in with us, everyone said they would be there to help us, but where are they now that we need them? I understand that we are all busy, but come on, we need a break! If you are a caregiver, you know what I mean. I have caregivers for my mother 3 – 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, so my husband has her the rest of the day. Luckily, she doesn’t require a lot of care, she’s still somewhat self-sufficient, but you must be there to make sure she doesn’t fall, and she can’t prepare her own meals or get her own drinks. She cannot shower by herself, and she needs standby assist while dressing; these two things she will only let me handle.
My only other option is having a caregiver come in on the weekend too, but that is pricey. And if I only want an hour or two it won’t work; most caregivers won’t come unless it’s 4 hours or more. I know I’m not alone out there; I know you are going through the same things I am. How are you coping with these issues? I’d really love to know; maybe your ideas can help me.
Do you have to separate holidays like I do? I have spent many holidays with just my mom and myself because my husband goes to his brothers with his children and our grandchildren, but that is too much for my mom, so it ends up just the two of us. This is so hard because you feel torn between the two. How do you cope with a situation like this? I try to put it out of my mind and think I will have other holidays with the grandkids, and they will be even more special.
This past Easter, my husband went to his brothers like usual, but my two nephews and their families came over and it was so nice; my mother was so happy to have her family there. We all ran around outside, while she sat there and watched us. She was so full of joy.
After they left, which wasn’t until around 7:00 p.m., I gave mom her shower and got her settled down. I went to take my shower and when I came out, she was in her chair fast asleep; she was exhausted. She got up in the morning and couldn’t stop talking about what a great Easter she had. It really is the little things that make a difference.
If you are dealing with some of the same issues I am, please give me a call and let’s chat. I’d really like to understand how you cope. Maybe we can help each other. 386-847-2322.
